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Imminent Vogue

Jane Austen, Vampire Hunter

Bad Modak Eater

Non-stoners, here’s your god-approved day to get BAKED AS FUCK! And don’t forget to sing Happy Birthday to Shiva.

Non-stoners, here’s your god-approved day to get BAKED AS FUCK! And don’t forget to sing Happy Birthday to Shiva.

Because sometimes, you think you have time.

Mahabharat: What really happened.




Elmore Leonard’s Ten Rules of Writing

Elmore Leonard’s brutal rules of brevity. Writers read this!

  • "You botched up a good deal there, Johnny."
  • "Yeah? Well, fuck you too."
  • "Don't curse, Johnny. Jesus doesn't like it."
  • "Then stop giving me shit about donating some lead to a skull."
  • "Someone's gotta tell you, you fucked up, son. It better be me than the bossman."
  • "You can tell the bossman to go fuck himself too."
  • "Don't say that, Johnny. First day on the job, you lose a regular. Not only do you lose him but bossman's now gonna have to take a bad deal from the Russians. You know how much that's gonna cost us, Johnny? Your big man's--"
  • "Fifty fuckin' large? That's it, right?"
  • "It's not about the money, Johnny. Everything's not always about the money. You shot the guy, in his office, in front of his secretary--"
  • "Who he was obviously fucking."
  • "No, he wasn't Johnny. He was a family man. He went to church every Sunday. That's where he met--"
  • "Fuck you. If I had a secretary like that, I'd be fucking her too. You know cock. All you have ever done is, Johnny don't do this, Johnny don't do that. Well, Johnny's no longer a kid now and he can make his own fuckin' decisions. And if you or bossman have a problem with that, you can both suck my cock."
  • "Don't talk like that about your old man, Johnny. He loves you. Why d'you think he sent you out today for the job. He wanted you to become a man on his 87th. He even got you a new car to drive to your first gig. It's time you stop wearing these track suits of yours and start wearing suits like the rest of us."
  • "You know what, Joe. You're fuckin' funny. Check that. You're fuckin' hilarious. You lecture me about how much my old man likes me, about how he got me a gift on his fuckin' birthday. You know what? He got me a gun too and I decided to celebrate his 87th by using it. Now I am going to head to a titty bar and stare at some spinning tassles and celebrate his eighty fuckin' seventh while I fuckin' pass out."
  • "Don't push me, Johnny. You're coming with me. You're going to sit at the dinner table with your wife and kids and when the guests begin to arrive we're gonna make this right. We're gonna go upto your old man, sit down, talk it out and tonight at his birthday party, we're gonna sit down with the Ivankovs and we're gonna talk this through. And you're not going anywhere with all that blood on your Puma gear. How many times have I told you since you were fifteen? If you're gonna shoot someone, be at least ten feet away."
  • "What about if I just shoot you right about fuckin' now, dump this car and never be seen in this fuckin' town again."
  • "Don't be an idiot, Johnny. He's your pa. He's gonna find you."
  • "And what about you? Who's going to fuckin' find you, you lifelong lackey?"
  • "The first guy who calls 9-1-1. Now, give me the gun and let's go home. Don't push me, Johnny."
  • "Or what? You're going to ground me? Like you always have."
  • "No, Johnny. You're just going to make it harder on me. I love you, you son-of-a--"
  • BAM!
  • "You heard that?"
  • Phone speaker: "Yes. I'm sorry you had to do this."
  • "Well, I'm sorry too."
  • Phone speaker: "Somebody had to put the rabid dog down. Just drive home. We'll clean you up."
  • "What are we gonna tell his wife and kids?"
  • Phone speaker: "Well, they're my family too, and I am going to take care of them."
  • "You want me to drop the body somewhere?"
  • Phone speaker: "No, he'll be buried in the family cemetery next to my parents."
  • "Well, happy birthday, boss."