Apr 20, 2012 / 3 notes

HAPPY 4/20!

(Late at night, a man’s sitting on a cliff plucking his guitar.)

MAN
When all four roads meet the same dead end
When the email is empty and you’ve still hit ‘send’
The days are not bright and the nights feel wrong
I can’t the see the light cause the tunnel’s too long

Your infinite presence and infinite power
Your breathtaking beauty has curdled to sour
You pushed me over and I tumbled along
And when I stopped falling, I was in this song

Fuck you dear Universe. Fuck you night and day
Fuck you dear Universe. Fuck you to decay

(Unknown to our man, an adivasi in a loin cloth and a vest
starts is seen coming up the cliff, carrying a single drum on his back.)

In this world of terror, televisions and ipods
They’re killin’ people in the name of a fake God
When will you wake up and start giving a fuck?
When will you stop sexually abusing that duck?

Drop the beat!

(The adivasi, by now, has settled right behind the man.
He produces a hiphop beat on his drum.)

To my homeboy, the UNIVERSE! Break it down now.
Fuck you in prose and fuck you in verse
Fuck you in song and fuck you in a curse
Fuck you like I’d fuck Zach Braff in a unitard
Oh not-so-dear Universe, you’re an infinite retard.

(Silence. The adivasi gets up and starts walking downhill.
The strumming begins again.)

But with nowhere to go, I mission abort
Just one thing to do, my one last resort
A long and lonesome bottle of pills
A faraway cottage in the faraway hills
A rope and a stool with a broken leg
A gallon of rum in a leaking keg
And a handgun for me if I still wake up
I hope you beg if you could still make up…

(Sudden interruption by lightning. Followed by another loud
frightening lightning, followed by a Vincent Price laughter.
A low ambient strumming comes out of nowhere.)

UNIVERSE
What is your problem, my lonesome child?
Flaming ulcers or just some raging bile?
You’re a tiny dipshit and you know that well
Now what is your problem, do man up and tell

MAN
Huh? I have problems you know, man
Just listen to me and quit being a douchebag
You created me and I’m a part of you
If I quit being me, you will quit being you!

UNIVERSE
What makes you think you’re worthy of time?
Seven billion of you at a million a dime
I’m more than everything you can ever dream of
And everything you’ll ever lick cream off

Every piece of ass that you wanted to grab
And every smart ass with the gift of gab
I am the food, the drinks and the drugs
The warmth of your warm hot-chocolate mugs

What more can I give you? What more can I take?
Or should I break into a dance for your enlightenment’s sake?

MAN
I am sad and I am suicidal
I just want to laugh and sit very idle
I don’t really want to have anything to say
At least nothing that’s sensible anyway

UNIVERSE
Leisure, you have no time to stand and stare
Leisure, you’ll have no love for what you don’t care
If it’s laughter you seek then laughter you shall find
If it’s lazy you wanna be, then learn to unwind

MAN
But how? How? How?!

UNIVERSE
I’ve wanted to help you but you didn’t understand
I gave you a finger, yet you yanked at my hand
You climbed onto my shoulder and pissed in my ear
I gave you the freedom, you created fear

Fuck you dear creature. I thought I’d made it clear
Fuck you dear creature. Fuck your life and your whole career

I taught you to laugh but you learnt how to cry
I taught you to roast and you learnt how to fry
I taught you to roll, you learnt the word ‘my’
I gave you my humour and you said, ‘But why?’

I can’t ever help you, you’re one sick fuck
You’re the one fapping to two girls and one cup
You leave me no choice and no room to smile
I am tired of walking that extra mile. For you.

MAN
What?

UNIVERSE
Fuck you dear creature. Fuck you ‘cause you still can’t see
Fuck you dear creature. Kindly fuck all the fish in the sea
Fuck you dear creature. I am not sorry, your life’s a real tragedy
Fuck you dear creature. You couldn’t find weed and comedy.
WEEEEEEDDD AND COMMEDDYYYYYYYYYYYY! YEAH!

(Oh, and Happy 420.)

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Source: facebook.com

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